puna pastafarians

Captain Mosey Leads the Short-Order Cooks Out of the Diners and into Piratehood

Captain Mosey was the first pirate prophet —entrusted with the ten stone tablets containing the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s “I Really Rather You Didn’t’s”. He dropped two of the tablets while descending Mt. Salsa, leaving only eight. This may partly explain FSMism’s flimsy moral standards. 

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The Uprising​

In his youth, Mosey worked as a short-order cook at a diner managed by Phil the Night Manager. Tired of the long hours and miserly pay, Mosey quit and became a pirate. The FSM noticed this transmutation as he had long been annoyed at Phil's mistreatment of short-order cooks throughout the land. Some years later, FSM appeared to Mosey camping in the desert, speaking to Mosey via a burnt marshmallow. The message was simple: Mosey was to lead an uprising of all willing short-order cooks against bosses like Phil by starting his own restaurant, which eventually became the Olive Garden of Eden. After instituting the annual Pastover, Mosey declared all his cooks to be pirates. 

Captain Mosey the Prophet

For reasons unclear, Pirate Mosey eventually led the Pirates to the top of Mount Salsa. For further reasons unclear, Mosey thought they would find a pirate ship there. FSM came down and declared that they weren't acting very piratey, being on a mountain in the desert instead of the open seas. This is when FSM gave Mosey ten stone tablets containing the Ten Condiments, called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts".  Mosey dropped two of the ten Condiments leaving only eight. Pastafarian scholars have long speculated what the two lost Condiments where about. 

Spreading Sauce around the World

Eventually Captain Mosey and his short-order pirates secured a nice ship and set sail. They had adventures galore, mostly involving a variety of pastas (lumache, caccavelle, farfalline, riccioli, fusilli, castellane, etc.) and sauces. The symbolic cleansing rituals of little babies were practiced along seaports and way stations near and far. Sauces (marinara, pesto, alfredo, bolognese, etc.) were poured in proper portions over the soft spots of baby boys and girls in hopes that they grow up to be pirates or piratesses. After the sauce came the sprinkling of cheeses (parmesan, ricotta, romano, etc.) as further annointing.